Thursday night in Falmouth is Rowdy Dickhead Night. I don’t know why it should be a Thursday, I just know that it gets LOUD.

I used to live in a flat on the main street that overlooked the route between the pubs in the centre of town and a bar that has a licence until 3am. It was a typically narrow Cornish street which meant all the noise was directed upwards and, as the building I lived in was listed, there was no double-glazing to block out the noise. If I didn’t get to sleep before 11pm I was awake until about 3.30am when I’d get about an hour or so before the delivery vans for the shops and restaurants started thundering through town.

I did this on a night that I failed to get to sleep in time. I thought I might as well do something productive instead of laying there swearing and imagining what might happen if I had a crossbow…